shower thoughts

Since my showers are probably split time-wise about 75% thinking about nonsense vs. 25% bathing, the place where I most often question the existence of God is while I’m in the shower. At some point, I feel like God is going to get tired of my agnosticism and, being the spiteful God that he is, use his power to fuck with me in the shower when I am most vulnerable. Every time I close my eyes to rinse my face with water, I feel like I’m somehow at risk of opening them back up to some horrifying image or sensation, like a creepy killer suddenly appearing in the shower next to me or blood raining down out of the showerhead. That Christian brainwashing I went through as a child must’ve imprinted pretty deeply in me.


perfect fall days

the best things are always fleeting, and this perfect fall weather–sunny, highs in the 70s, the air crisp, some leaves crunchy underfoot while others set the trees to flames during golden hour–is no exception.

i would say that i wish it were like this all the time, but the transience is an integral part of the beauty; the dramatic transformation of homogenous tree lines into bright autumn mosaics is the foliage’s final farewell before death, reminding you to savor the last remnants of warmth as cold, bitter days begin their approach.

poker journal

I’ve recently starting reading Jared Tendler’s Mental Game of Poker, which focuses on a lot of common poker problems that don’t really have to do with cards or chips, but rather mental areas where you can have leaks such as motivation, confidence, and tilt. It’s more of a psychology read than a straight poker book, and in that sense it’s a lot more engaging because the principles taught are applicable to pretty much every activity that you do.


One of the more salient changes I’ve made from the advice in this book is that I’ve started writing in a journal. Most of my entries are poker-related and log my before- and after-session thoughts, my benchmarks, and what I need to work on. It’s really helpful for someone like me, who doesn’t get the opportunity to play very often, because it is a reminder of where my game is and where I need to focus my efforts in order to improve. Without that, there’s no tracking my progress and, although I feel I learn something from every session I play, I am not ingraining it into my brain and building upon that acquired knowledge.

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shower thoughts

You know when, in movies, the protagonist takes a shower, and they are usually shown facing the shower with the spray of water hitting or running down their face, an arm sometimes used to prop themselves up against the wall, deep in troubled thoughts?

Who takes showers like that? These scenes always strike me as weird. Do people really take showers with water hitting them constantly in the face? I mean, I’m always facing away from the water so that I’m not having to keep my eyes closed while I’m in there. That, and I think it feels a lot better to have hot water running onto your neck and shoulders rather than your splashing up in your face, especially if you’re trying to think some thoughts out.

I’m sure the reason movie characters stand there dousing their heads is for dramatic effect, but it’s one of those things in movies that now stand out to me as not being reflective of reality, and those always drive me nuts. Then again, maybe I’m the weird one taking showers facing the wrong way.

can we predict the future…computationally?

Disclaimer: if you don’t like nerdy philosophical thoughts (or run-on sentences), skip this post. Now…

One thing that I’ve always thought as theoretically possible is the ability to describe every and all occurrences using mathematics. By “all occurrences” I mean anything and everything that goes on inside and around us; we could calculate with 100% certainty literally everything, such as being able to computer-simulate all plants and animals in nature, all the way to completely understanding the way that our brains work, down to the utmost detail, that we could literally calculate how and why we make the decisions we do. If we could quantify anything and everything, there would be no need for debate or voting for one side of an issue against another; there would just one correct answer for anything, backed by perfect logic, immaculate math, and some crazy sort of super-duper computer (I’m picturing the cube-thingy from I, Robot).

Before, I thought that there were only two obstacles to creating this perfect computational model of how everything works: first, we would need to advance computer technology until there exists a machine capable of the billions upon trillions upon quadrillion calculations needed per second to simulate all matter around us on the most basic and fundamental molecular level (or maybe in greater detail down to the quark or whatever sub-atomic particles are smallest); and second, we would need to attain this wizard-like scientific understanding of how everything works so that master nerds of the world could develop the mathematical models governing all phenomena and feed this imaginary number-crunching, nay, number-demolishing juggernaut of a processing machine so that it could then spit out the past, present, and future for us.

Now, I am starting to think that achieving this level of mastery and understanding may in fact not be attainable, and here is my thought process: imagine for a moment that you can easily and perfectly quantify anything and everything. Specifically, we would know the exact amount of energy that it takes for any phenomena to occur. For discussion’s sake, let’s use the human body as an example, and for a moment, think of the human body as an evolved machine with billions upon billions of mechanisms going on inside at any given point. I choose humans and emphasize that we are evolved and a product of a sort of trial and error by nature to make us into the machines we are, in order to beg a few questions: what if it is impossible to improve on the mechanics of molecular composition and biological evolution at the point that it is now, that the way things have evolved are as close to perfection as it can possibly be so far? And since most would agree that it would take more energy to observe, break down, and understand a phenomenon than it takes for it to just naturally occur, wouldn’t it be impossible for man to design something with a more efficient level of energy usage that could be used to perfectly observe, simulate, and replicate the best design already produced by nature?

early bird

Woke up before 6 this morning to hit the Maloof skatepark in DC. The park was built for a skateboard competition called the Maloof Money Cup, and one of the cool things about this particular contest is that they build new parks and leave them for the city!

I haven’t had a good opportunity to skate the park, so when my good friend Kojo hit me up for a sunrise sesh (in the hopes it wouldn’t be crowded), I was definitely hyped to go, but not so sure I’d be able to wake up at 5:30am.

We made it out to the skatepark a little 7am…only to find that the fences surrounding the park, which are usually open, were closed and locked. WTF. We asked one of the (presumed) guards dressed in camo when the park would be opened, and he gave some gruff response that someone was coming to open the gates. However, after waiting across the street for a while, it seemed apparent that there wasn’t any intention of anyone opening the gates for us to skate, so we decided to hit up the Shaw skatepark while I still had time before heading to work (booo Saturday shifts).

The Shaw skatepark, right off of U Street, was better than I thought! Although the setup doesn’t flow very well, the concrete is way smoother than expected and almost slick at times, and the boxes there were definitely fun enough to spend the entire session on. Too bad it was too early for anyone like Darren Harper or Cole South to be skating…

One of the best feelings I had there was when my phone started vibrating; I realized that my alarm to wake up was going off, and I felt quite productive having already gotten into the meat of good session before the time I usually force myself out of bed. It makes me really want to try and get up early to fit in a skate session before work. After all, skateboarding is just one of those things where if you don’t do it consistently day in and day out, you will lose it (for me anyways).

Now I’m sitting in my office, admittedly slacking a bit and writing this blog, and even though I’m tired from the early morning and sore from skating, the skate rat in me is wanting to go out and skate again in this BEAUTIFUL weather…and maybe listening to my inner skate rat isn’t so bad.


Gratifying. That’s the word that kept coming to mind after my nice, long (and long-overdue) session at Arlington skatepark on Saturday.

It was the first time in a good while that it was dry enough to skate and I was able to enjoy skating without having to rush to work or anything. Man, nothing beats days of all-day skating where you get all grimy and sweaty (yes, even in 12 degree weather and flurries) and all you’re focused on is getting that next trick. Whether it’s progressing on to a new trick or an old trick that you’re trying to pop higher, push faster, and land cleaner, that feeling of rolling away on four wheels NEVER gets old and is just so…gratifying.

Super stoked with the session I had! The highlights were that I relearned switch FS bigspins and FS flips over the hip, got a nice half-cab flip and switch BS flip over the hip, and I landed a crook, BS noseslide bigspin, and FS noseslide 270 out on a sizable ledge! That FS noseslide 270 definitely needs a lot of work, but I’m finally getting a decent feel for how to slide them and pop off the nose!

Though my legs are still sore from the hours of skating, I CAN’T WAIT to have another session like that…damn this winter weather!