shower thoughts

Since my showers are probably split time-wise about 75% thinking about nonsense vs. 25% bathing, the place where I most often question the existence of God is while I’m in the shower. At some point, I feel like God is going to get tired of my agnosticism and, being the spiteful God that he is, use his power to fuck with me in the shower when I am most vulnerable. Every time I close my eyes to rinse my face with water, I feel like I’m somehow at risk of opening them back up to some horrifying image or sensation, like a creepy killer suddenly appearing in the shower next to me or blood raining down out of the showerhead. That Christian brainwashing I went through as a child must’ve imprinted pretty deeply in me.

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